Family planning
Planning together as a family
Everyone remembers Mom a little differently. Getting the obituary right when three siblings, two in-laws, and an aunt all have opinions is its own quiet challenge. We give one person the pen and everyone else a way to help — without twenty threads of edits.
Planning a service as a family, without the chaos
Pick one person to hold the pen
Not the person with the loudest opinion — the one with the calmest week. Everyone else contributes; that person decides ties.
Ask everyone for memories in writing
A shared doc, a family intake link, or a group text prompt: 'Share one story or trait you want in the obituary by Sunday.' Written contributions dodge the awkwardness of live edits.
Decide what's a group vote and what isn't
Group vote: readings, music, who speaks. One person decides: obituary wording, order of service. Naming this up front prevents fights.
Share a review draft, not a Google Doc
Send a private review link. Family can read and leave notes without dragging the wording sideways line by line.
Protect one quiet slot for grief
Every planning session should end with someone asking 'how are you actually doing?' Otherwise the planning becomes the grief and nobody heals.
Step by step: plan as a family
Ask permission and choose a calm time
Invite the person whose wishes you are recording into the conversation. Agree on what they want to discuss and what should stay private.
Identify the first contacts
Record trusted people in My People. Decide who will gather questions and keep track of agreed next steps.
Collect wishes, not assumptions
Use My Wishes and My Story for preferences and memories. If family members disagree, record what remains undecided rather than choosing for someone else.
Locate important documents
Record document locations and professional contacts. A licensed attorney can help confirm legal authority; an organizer does not grant it.
Agree on a handoff
Use Family Handoff and Next Steps to list the first calls, missing information and tasks. Review an exported copy together only with the plan owner's permission.
One shared draft
A single project everyone works from, so nothing gets lost in group texts.
Family intake link
Send a link to relatives. They add memories and details on their own time.
Review before publishing
Share a private review link so the family can approve or ask for changes.
"My sister and I stopped arguing about the wording because we could both see what everyone else wrote first."
— The Alvarez family
Common questions
- Who should be in charge?
- Usually one person holds the account and the rest contribute via a private family link. Simpler than editing by committee.
- Can extended family read the draft?
- Yes — share a review link. They can read and leave notes without changing anything.
- What about disagreements?
- Save versions. If two wordings feel right, keep both drafts and decide together.